Terry Smith...cancer

As we contemplated moving to Colorado, I called my wonderful friend Terry Smith.

She was the first one to invite us over when we first moved to Colorado in 1995. She was my exploring buddy to see the sights and my confidante. We both celebrated our 25th anniversaries together, then we moved to Florida. Shortly after, her husband, Ken, died of Leukemia. It was a great loss to us as he was our best friend.

Terry put me up at her home for weeks, alone and with part of my family so that I could house hunt. We had such wonderful talks and spiritual moments together. Her son Randy even came and helped us move in. In the middle of June I called her, having tried numerous times, and said, "Hey, so you are still alive, how are you?" As I spent the next half hour trying to get my foot out of my mouth she discussed the following with me. We went to the temple a couple of times that week and she shared these thoughts with me...then with the rest of her friends. I gain such spiritual strength from her. When she heard that Ken had Leukemia, she prayed and asked the Lord what the outcome would be because she could handle anything if she just understood the outcome. She was told that he would not live, but all would be well. She's afraid to ask the same question of herself and her prognosis, but has great faith that she is in the Lord's hands. I thought our family could gain great strength from her letter. (July 3, 2009)


To my dearest friends and confidantes,

Thursday, June 18 my world turned upside down, an occurrence that seems to happen rather frequently the past few years. My plan was to wait until I had answers to inevitable questions but it seems to have made “face book” news so I’ve decided to share with you hoping beyond hope that you haven’t already heard “through the grapevine”.

When I returned from a delightful trip with my 8 year old grandson I learned that I have melanoma, an aggressive skin cancer that is well beyond early stages. I actually had it looked at two years ago but was told it was genetic and harmless and I needn’t worry about it. Since my mother has something that looks very similar in about the same place it made total sense to me. Needless to say however, it should have been worried about long before now.

I have appointments to meet with the surgeon and the oncologist at the University of Colorado Melanoma Clinic on July 10th. Surgery has been tentatively scheduled for July 17th, provided the surgeon feels it will be ok for me to travel two weeks later to Kyle’s wedding.

My personal agenda is to have the surgery without further delay and I also intend to be at my son’s wedding. I would gratefully accept your prayers in my behalf to successfully pull those two things off. If I am fortunate the lesion will still be localized and the surgery will be the end of treatment. Based on the pathological report that is not likely to be the case but it would be the preferred outcome. If it has traveled into the regional lymph nodes they will be removed and there will be further testing for systemic involvement and chemotherapies to try to stop the spread of the disease. Your faith and prayers in my behalf are so much appreciated.

Once again I feel my Savior’s love as he wraps me in the arms of His unfailing love and communicates clearly and succinctly through the Holy Scriptures. How I have come to love the scriptures and the guidance within them these past six years! Truly they are a source of comfort, peace, understanding and revelation.

Because it is difficult to respond to so many phone calls reiterating the same message, answering the same questions, I am formulating an email list of those that wish to remain updated. If you would like to be on that list please respond and I am happy to share with you in exchange for your faith and prayers. Attached you will find my deepest thought processes of this past life altering week of my life.

Terry

Friday, June 18, 2009 – Friday June 26, 2009

Dazed by the biopsy results, but determined to carry on in spite of frightening circumstances I have tried to maintain a somewhat “normal” routine this week as I have adjusted to new thoughts and ideas about my life. I have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but in spite of it all I feel the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father. No matter the outcome I know that He loves me and cares for me even during this mortal separation.

I don’t want to put myself through undue alarm but at the same time I want to be informed and knowledgeable. I have refrained from surfing the net in general about melanoma knowing that I will receive a packet at the time of my appointments that I know will be accurate information. I have however studied the meanings of the numbers and the words in the pathological report. This has given me a pretty good idea of the gravity of the situation. I only got two sentences into the detailed portion of the report when my heart began to pound, I was nauseous and shaking uncontrollably. At that point I decided it was enough and turned to spiritual help and guidance. As I have focused on that kind of help the transformation between panic and calm has been amazing.

Once again I feel my Savior’s love as he wraps me in the arms of His unfailing love and communicates clearly and succinctly through the Holy Scriptures. How I have come to love the scriptures and the guidance within them these past six years! Truly they are a source of comfort, peace, understanding and revelation.

The range of emotion this week has been very much a roller coaster ride. I’ve been frustrated, scared to death, resigned, depressed, hopeful, confident, prayerful and filled with the desire to fight. I know that the Lord’s will is paramount and will prevail. I have complete confidence and trust that He knows the larger plan and I see only a tiny fragment of what is meant to be. I pray for wisdom and humility to understand, accept and cherish the journey regardless of the outcome.

Though I have sought a “normal” week it has been an accelerated sort of normal. Prayers have been more intense, scripture reading has been with full purpose of heart and temple attendance has accelerated. I quickly learned that in order to survive a 24 hour day it required additional time with the Lord through prayer, scriptures and temple worship. I worry about the next two weeks when the temple will be closed, but likewise I know that my home can be my temple and I have worked hard over the years to have it be so. I pray for the spirit of the Lord to be in my home particularly these next few weeks.

Friday, June 18, the day after diagnosis, as I continued my daily scripture reading in 3 Nephi chapters 3 and 4 I read the account of Lachoneus, the chief governor that appointed war leaders and prepared his people to protect their land from the Gadianton robbers that would design to take the property that rightfully belonged to the Nephites. Lachoneus was a great spiritual leader and he taught his people to cry to the Lord for strength even as they fortified and prepared themselves for the inevitable battle.

When the dreaded day came the Gadianton robbers presented themselves as a very grotesque enemy dyed in blood with shaved heads. When the Nephites saw them approaching they fell to the earth crying for protection and deliverance from the enemy. The robbers were delighted that they had seemingly frightened the Nephites because of the terror of their army. But it was not the army the Nephites feared but their God. They were supplicating Him for protection from this dreaded enemy. As the Gadianton army advanced upon them they arose from the ground and rushed upon them prepared to meet them in the strength of the Lord.

It was a great and terrible battle but the Nephites were successful in beating them until they retreated, and then continued to pursue them to the edge of the wilderness, taking prisoner those that would yield themselves up and slaying those that would not. The Gadianton leader was slain and the Nephites then returned to their place of security.

It was two years before the robbers again laid siege upon the Nephites. During that time the Nephites had been busily preparing physically as well as spiritually. Consequently the robbers could not have much effect on the Nephites well being because they were prepared.
The Nephites marched out by day and night cutting off their enemies while the robbers, weakened for want of food had to return to the wilderness for sustenance. In a night time maneuver the Nephites strategically placed themselves both in the front and the rear of the Gadianton army, capturing them and again killing their leader.

The Nephites rejoiced in their God for their protection. They sang together praising God for the great thing which he had done in preserving them. Their “hearts were swollen with joy, unto the gushing out of many tears, because of the great goodness of God in delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; and they knew it was because of their repentance and their humility that they had been delivered from an everlasting destruction.”

As I read this story I was compelled to go back and read it again … and again … and again. Finally after about the fourth reading I had an inkling that perhaps this might be a type and shadow of the experience I am about to have with melanoma. As I continue to read it over and over and ponder its message I am convinced that I need to cry to the Lord for protection and fight this battle “in the strength of the Lord”. I too see this enemy as very grotesque and I believe it may prove to be a “great and terrible” battle, but I’m hopeful like the Nephites that I can come off conqueror and return to my “place of security”.

I know in my heart that it is quite possible that after several years of peace that the battle may once again commence and that I need to be spiritually and physically prepared to fight for my protection. If I am blessed as were the Nephites I too will rejoice and praise my God with a heart “swollen with joy … gushing out many tears” for the goodness of God in delivering me from a very real enemy and its “everlasting destruction”.

I was fortunate to have a very powerful Priesthood blessing that reinforced that “this experience has a purpose” and will be a “process with the healing powers of the Priesthood”. Early in the blessing the request was made that Ken be allowed to participate in the blessing. This interested me on several levels, especially since I have a new home teacher that does not know Ken at all. When Ken’s brother gave him his final blessing shortly before his death, the promise was made that Ken would be allowed to not only watch over but also participate with his family even though he was on the other side of the veil. So to me this request was fulfillment of prophecy. Secondly Ken’s patriarchal blessing states that he has the gift of healing – even from great distances. That phrase has come to have a deeper meaning to me than distance in “miles”.

It was comforting for me to hear that there are so many not only here but also on the other side of the veil that are watching with interest and concern. They will offer peace and comfort to me and my children during this time. It is now clear to me that this scenario is not an accident but that it has a great purpose in my life especially as I will have the opportunity to be an advocate to many others who will suffer and need the experience and comfort of one who’s been there.

This blessing extended to the doctors, nurses, lab technicians and anyone involved in my care; blessing each one to be inspired even without their knowledge, and it was reiterated several times that the healing powers of the Priesthood will be in force in spite of the understanding of the medical profession.

I was encouraged to:
• Study the scriptures even more for new and deeper meanings
• Continue to develop a relationship with my Heavenly Father, and allow the Atonement to work in my behalf
• Spend even more time in the temple for additional meaningful healing
• Seek additional Priesthood blessings as this experience will be a process and will not end overnight
• Feel at peace no matter what – seek blessings when the negatives and fears come, as they will.
• Trust in the Lord

I was promised that my Mother in Heaven will be with me. She has the power to intervene in my mortal life and has a deep and abiding interest in my welfare.

As the week progressed I eventually moved on in my scripture reading and have not been disappointed with the comfort, advice and wisdom found therein:

• If my faith is great enough angels will minister to me daily. 3 Nephi 7:18

• Heavenly Father knows the things I need even without my asking. I need to first seek the kingdom of God. 3 Nephi 13:32-33

• “Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live…” 3 Nephi 15:9

• Ponder … ask to understand and prepare your mind 3 Nephi 17:3

• “I perceive that ye desire that I should show unto you what I have done unto your brethren at Jerusalem, for I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you.” 3 Nephi 17:8

• I am blessed because of my faith 3 Nephi 17:20

• “Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.” 3 Nephi 18:20

• “Give heed to my words; write the things which I have told you” 3 Nephi 23:4

• My faith will be tried 3 Nephi 26:11

• “My joy is great even unto fullness, because of you … even the Father rejoiceth and also all the holy angels, because of you … I would that ye should understand; … I have fullness of joy “
3Nephi 27:30-31
• “What will ye that I should do unto you? … I know your thoughts” 3 Nephi 28:4,6

• Wo unto him that shall deny the revelations of the Lord and that shall say the Lord no longer worketh by revelation … or by healings, or by the power of the Holy Ghost! … Wo unto him that shall say … there can be no miracle wrought by Jesus Christ” 3 Nephi 29:6-7

A miracle is what I seek if that is the will of the Father. I pray for the faith and the strength to participate and watch as it unfolds. Please remember me in your prayers!

Terry Smith